I've run a few pretty big regular private games in big cities and we had games in my frat house for pennies when I was a kid. Here are my thoughts:
At the frat house, etiquette violations were settled by making the offender pound a shot of warm tequila.
I have run high stakes, regular games in big cities professionally.
First of all, the level of hostility between players is way lower in private games than in a casino. It's because it's illegal, and men have guns. You bet your butt that in public rooms, having armed casino security gives weak trouble makers a pass to act up that they don't get in home games. In a casino, if two guys get in a fight, the rest of the table sits back and laughs, and security breaks it up before someone gets killed. In a home game, the other players think THEIR butt might be on the line, and they get involved. The mob tries to cool out the combatants. You can pretty much rely on the table to provide security for it self. I've never actually seen a fist fight in a home game [a saw a guy get shot once though].
How to act from an operator's point of view is a little nuanced. I have worked in a casino and it's quite different. You can 86 a guy from a casino. If you eject a guy from a private game, you have a major problem! He might go dime you out to the cops. You can't afford to piss off your players in a private game.
The worst breach of poker etiquette I ever saw was a guy who came to our club in Baltimore and lost about $2000 to a bunch of college kids one night. He was not cheated. The next day, he called me up and demanded his money back! He said, "I don't know what my wife is gonna do!", implying she might freak out and call the cops on me. I asked him for a day to think about it, and I called a bunch of other experienced operators and asked around.
I was told, and my experience has since confirmed, that a real major private club gets this type of shake down about once a year. Just pay him and don't let him back in was the advice I was given. You might think that private poker clubs are run by mobsters, and some of them are, but even the mobbed up joints will just pay a guy off and ask him politely not to come back. It's not worth the trouble. Illegal joints live in fear of their losing customers!
So the thing I do now in situations where I would 86 a guy in a casino, but I'm in a private game: I PAY the guy. I have $100 coupons for free play and if you find yourself drunk and in a fight at my club, you're gonna get a free $100 bill. Even if it's your fault! Even if my real desire is to stick a piece of barbed wire in your eye, I'm gonna privately take your side, and I'm going to privately take the other guy's side when I talk to him too. I'm going to do everything I can to take personal responsibility for whatever the problem is, and make you think that I also believe the world is conspiring against you. But please pal, come back inside and let's play some poker! [Tell the girl to splash a LOT of water in his next drink.]